Sunday, July 8, 2012

A Moment of Clarity

I've been told I am funny. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I think they are just crazy. But I do have a lot of stories to tell - some funny, some sad and some downright unbelievable. I created this blog as an outlet for these stories in January 2012. As soon as I had the site finished, I chickened out. I couldn't find a thing to say and was filled with doubt - who would want to read this anyway, who would have hurt feelings over something I wrote, and is my writing even good enough for a public venue?? I actually kept this blog site to myself for 6 months, telling no one it even existed. Then I confided in a dear friend and she had so many words of encouragement. She made me feel like I could do it, should do it. And so I revisited the site and stared at it for a few more weeks, wondering what to do next.

Then my Dad passed away last week and I had a moment of clarity. I knew what would be my first post - My eulogy to him. These are the words I spoke during the funeral service. The words that took me two years to write. While he got continuously more sick each time I saw him, I began to look for the good stories to remind me of the Dad I knew. I never expected to be able to share them with everyone at the funeral - I fully expected to be a wreck. I've never been afraid of public speaking, but this was very different. However, I still needed to write the words. And then when it came to the day, I was more calm than I have ever been. I did not cry. My voice barely wavered.  I stood up in front of everyone and honored my Dad in the only way I knew how. I could see him, sitting in the crowd, grinning from ear to ear, cheering me on. And I felt at peace.

And while my plans for this blog are to share the funny, irreverent stories of my life as a working, laughing, dictator-like Mommy of two wild boys, this one is a bit different. I hope you enjoy it - maybe it will bring a few tears or a few laughs.